My Coming Home Fantasies

Coming home is still many months away, but I was recently talking to Al about the stuff I’m looking forward to doing when I come home. He told me that listening to me talk about my coming home fantasies made him understand how people feel when they listen to him talk about what he’s going to eat when his fasts end. So let’s start with food.

Quaker GorditaCrunch

I’m going to make oatmeal with old fashioned Quaker oatmeal, fresh blueberries, and Nestle chocolate chips. I’m going to get a chicken cutlet sandwich from Remi’s (in Pelham, NY). I’m going to get nachos with cheese and three cheesy gordita crunches from Taco Bell (I really hope they’re still making these; they start and stop offering this item at random).


JShore Archer

I’m going to catch up on all the TV I missed. I calculate 50+ hours of TV I want to watch (in descending order of priority):

Show Minutes Per Episode Episodes Missing Total Minutes Total Hours
30 Rock 22 12 264 4.4
Jersey Shore 44 13 572 9.5
Archer 22 12 264 4.4
Community 22 13 286 4.8
Outsourced 22 12 264 4.4
Modern Family 22 14 308 5.1
Parks and Rec 22 16 352 5.9
Family Guy 22 9 198 3.3
Breaking Bad 47 13 611 10.1
The Walking Dead 45 3 135 2.3
Total 117 3254 54.2

LiquidCooledCase swype

I’m going to get a cool Android smartphone to replace the $30 LG stupidphone I’ve been using while I travel. I’m not sure which phone yet, but it will have Swype, which impresses me every time I steal someone else’s phone and insist on playing with it. I’m going to build a badass computer with water cooling built into the case and hook it up to two huge monitors. Then I’m going to buy Duke Nukem Forever (I’ve barely played computer games for years and never FPSs but it’s a remake of a game I loved as a kid and it’s coming out soon) and Portal 2 (have you played Portal? It’s great!).

duke Portal2

I’m going to go out to bars wearing a suit. My shirt will be wrinkle-free because I used a garment steamer and didn’t pull it crumpled from a packed backpack and try to smooth it out next to a hot shower. My face will be freshly shaved using my old-timey razor and shaving brush. I will meet girls and tell them jokes that make sense because we’re fluent in a common language. Granted, the jokes will still only be funny to me, as they always have been in the US, but they’ll be told well.


I still haven’t decided what I want to do on the second day, though.

Update: Coincidentally, the day I post this is the same day I figured out how to get Hulu working in South America. I guess I’ll have to scratch most of the TV stuff off the list, but I have my next 54.2 hours planned out now.

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6 Responses to My Coming Home Fantasies

  1. John John says:
    Mike, Remi’s is in New Rochelle..
    1. Mike Mike says:
      Oh wow it is. All these years I thought I was eating in Pelham! The sandwiches are no less delicious, though.
  2. Branton Branton says:
    Bad news: Hulu has commercials. It’s going to take you longer than 54.2 hours.
    1. Mike Mike says:
      Ha, yeah, I’m finding that. It’s also contributing to my phone envy. Lots of Android ads. I wonder if ad targeting’s gotten sophisticated enough that the ad software is reading my blog to show me tempting ads.
      1. Carolyn Wakefield Carolyn Wakefield says:
        yes. It has.
  3. McKenzie McKenzie says:
    We just got the xoom with android, pretty cool, asher is loving it.
    And Mike your jokes are funny to me at least! i just laughed to tears reading this post.

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